Chondromalacia patellae sucks.

I became absorbed in a book about Asperger’s Syndrome on Saturday and ended up reading and re-reading it over the weekend.

Some choice passages from “Asperger’s from the Inside Out” by Michael John Carley:

“I have also never kept in touch with old friends the way most people do. I never saw the need. Outside whatever prfession I’ve been in, I have enjoyed, and needed, very few “friends.” But I have always needed to have a very strong bond with people that I work with. I connect with them over a sense of shared purpose, and I choose to be content with this version of camaraderie because it fulfills me immensely.”

“And what I needed people to say to me — and I do mean “say” — was, “I’d like to get to know you better,” “I’d like to go out on a date with you,” or whatever the case may have been. Because the rest of the world doesn’t usually operate literally (which to them can feel like a contract negotiation, thereby taking a lot of fun out of the chase), needless to say, I was plagued by feelings of stupidity for blown chances.”

“However, as we smugly denounce conventional dating traditions, it must be held that others may very much need the routine of the dinner/movie date, or that the signals at the end of the date (for physical contact, for whether a second date is desired, etc.) be interpreted correctly. And it is not fair for us to judge that need. Such convention may not be the best solution for individuals on the autism spectrum, but that does not make it universally wrong by any means. As you look back on your dating history, you will be well served to accept that perhaps certain relationships were not meant to be. This is hard, because most of us desire intimacy, and we will have endured more than our fair share of rejection. That rejection, if built up over time, risks making us so embittered that we squash further attempts at such happiness right from the start. We’ll be too scared. And we’ll give in to impulses of fear that might interpret as self-preservation.”

pp 111-112: “[S]ome of us would like to have a lot of sex in our lives, others would prefer a more moderate amount, and a few others want little or none. And you may have therefore felt estranged from greater society, if not potential partners, no matter what your preferences are. Media outlets, for instance, such as film and television (not to mention the pornography world) can leave you feeling that if you don’t want a tone of sex in your life, then there’s something very wrong with you. Yet on the other end, prevailing curriculums and sexuality trainers tend to do the same damage in the opposite direction. For clinical attitudes currently have a distinct preference for the “less sex” side of the paradigm, greatly favoring the idea that more atmospheric sex, and more spiritually connected sex, is the only way to go. In the long-term sense over a person’s sexual lifetime, it probably is indeed the most fulfilling. But this isn’t right for everyone, nor is it realistic to expect it to happen during every sexual encounter, and until these curriculums learn to be more inclusive of sexual pluralism, they will continue to make certain individuals feel like terribly insensitive sexual partners. This does just as much damage as the media messages that suggest you’re a terrible sexual partner if you desire sex less.”

p116: “Recognizing that the neurotypical world is not a place where it is automatically okay to talk about sex (we need to talk, but we have to pick our spots as to where and when).”

p118: “I long ago learned that the rest of the world did not appreciate it when I would openly discuss sexual matters. I cognitively understand now that if I want to succeed, I cannot often do this. But I instinctively haven’t changed. I still privately wonder why we all can’t discuss the subject as freely as we might a baseball game. It may be illogical to me, but what I had to learn was that being logical wasn’t the point. My ideal of what the terrain of life should look like doesn’t often compare to what the terrain actually looks like.”

p191: “Remember too that every time you have sex with your partner, the mood may be different. Frankly, this is usually preferable as you experience less boredom this way. It may be quiet, sweet and subdued one day; and then raucous, energetic, fun, or extremely lustful on another. Alos, both your bodies will likely be communicating with one another when engaged in sexual activity. You may each be giving off signs to move at different speeds and rhythms, to switch positions, or to experience a similar emotional attachment (or detachment). Consider this to be a form of talking to one another — a form of nonverbal communication that has to be learned, and one that is usually necessary for making the relationship work inside and outside the bedroom.”