ashke's blog » Entertainment

Three Blind Mice

ashke — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 15:52:08 +0000

I did this a few years ago. ashke – Three Blind Mice – ashke. Related posts:Not-blind Just occurs to me: Is there a word for the meaning of not blind?... Related posts:

Not-blind Just occurs to me: Is there a word for the meaning of not blind?...

Things I need/don’t need

ashke — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:50:39 +0000

I have too much stuff. I attempted to reorganise recently but it’s still piling and piling. I had some success with my new stationery drawers so now at least I know where all my stationery are.

Otherwise it’s a mess. I had Big Plans but it’s just that I never implemented them you know. More procrastination and procrastination.

I have like a ton of clothes and I just keep buying. Why? There are my office clothes, my sports clothes (divided into running clothes and kayaking clothes but interchangeable at times), my clothes that I just took a fancy to, the clothes bought in a sale, the really fancy stuff that I occasionally wear, the really fancy stuff that I bought but never wore… and so on and so forth. You know come to think of it, I have such a closetful of stuff but I only really wear my office clothes often and I don’t even have that many sets. But I guess some of the extra stuff is necessary so that you have something to wear on weekends. But it would probably save me a lot of trouble if I could wear the same kind of clothes everywhere (actually, it was like that in my temp days).

Although I have quite a few pairs of shoes, there are only a few I wear on weekdays (trusty black sandals, my red Clarks leather shoes) while nowadays, I usually wear my grey slippers (I only break out the heels when I’m going somewhere fancy). I absolutely know I have too many pairs of shoes… (I’d wear my ballet slippers more if it didn’t have such a strong stench of plastic >_<).

I have lots of books. There are tons I don’t touch but my hoarding instincts just kick in… Sigh. What to do. I really need to build a library.

—

Anyway, I need to continue this rant another day. Hahah.

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Passages that MMT

ashke — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 15:48:39 +0000

I became absorbed in a book about Asperger’s Syndrome on Saturday and ended up reading and re-reading it over the weekend.

Some choice passages from “Asperger’s from the Inside Out” by Michael John Carley:

“I have also never kept in touch with old friends the way most people do. I never saw the need. Outside whatever prfession I’ve been in, I have enjoyed, and needed, very few “friends.” But I have always needed to have a very strong bond with people that I work with. I connect with them over a sense of shared purpose, and I choose to be content with this version of camaraderie because it fulfills me immensely.”

“And what I needed people to say to me — and I do mean “say” — was, “I’d like to get to know you better,” “I’d like to go out on a date with you,” or whatever the case may have been. Because the rest of the world doesn’t usually operate literally (which to them can feel like a contract negotiation, thereby taking a lot of fun out of the chase), needless to say, I was plagued by feelings of stupidity for blown chances.”

“However, as we smugly denounce conventional dating traditions, it must be held that others may very much need the routine of the dinner/movie date, or that the signals at the end of the date (for physical contact, for whether a second date is desired, etc.) be interpreted correctly. And it is not fair for us to judge that need. Such convention may not be the best solution for individuals on the autism spectrum, but that does not make it universally wrong by any means. As you look back on your dating history, you will be well served to accept that perhaps certain relationships were not meant to be. This is hard, because most of us desire intimacy, and we will have endured more than our fair share of rejection. That rejection, if built up over time, risks making us so embittered that we squash further attempts at such happiness right from the start. We’ll be too scared. And we’ll give in to impulses of fear that might interpret as self-preservation.”

pp 111-112: “[S]ome of us would like to have a lot of sex in our lives, others would prefer a more moderate amount, and a few others want little or none. And you may have therefore felt estranged from greater society, if not potential partners, no matter what your preferences are. Media outlets, for instance, such as film and television (not to mention the pornography world) can leave you feeling that if you don’t want a tone of sex in your life, then there’s something very wrong with you. Yet on the other end, prevailing curriculums and sexuality trainers tend to do the same damage in the opposite direction. For clinical attitudes currently have a distinct preference for the “less sex” side of the paradigm, greatly favoring the idea that more atmospheric sex, and more spiritually connected sex, is the only way to go. In the long-term sense over a person’s sexual lifetime, it probably is indeed the most fulfilling. But this isn’t right for everyone, nor is it realistic to expect it to happen during every sexual encounter, and until these curriculums learn to be more inclusive of sexual pluralism, they will continue to make certain individuals feel like terribly insensitive sexual partners. This does just as much damage as the media messages that suggest you’re a terrible sexual partner if you desire sex less.”

p116: “Recognizing that the neurotypical world is not a place where it is automatically okay to talk about sex (we need to talk, but we have to pick our spots as to where and when).”

p118: “I long ago learned that the rest of the world did not appreciate it when I would openly discuss sexual matters. I cognitively understand now that if I want to succeed, I cannot often do this. But I instinctively haven’t changed. I still privately wonder why we all can’t discuss the subject as freely as we might a baseball game. It may be illogical to me, but what I had to learn was that being logical wasn’t the point. My ideal of what the terrain of life should look like doesn’t often compare to what the terrain actually looks like.”

p191: “Remember too that every time you have sex with your partner, the mood may be different. Frankly, this is usually preferable as you experience less boredom this way. It may be quiet, sweet and subdued one day; and then raucous, energetic, fun, or extremely lustful on another. Alos, both your bodies will likely be communicating with one another when engaged in sexual activity. You may each be giving off signs to move at different speeds and rhythms, to switch positions, or to experience a similar emotional attachment (or detachment). Consider this to be a form of talking to one another — a form of nonverbal communication that has to be learned, and one that is usually necessary for making the relationship work inside and outside the bedroom.”

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Gakuen Alice

ashke — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 17:51:04 +0000

Persona! Goodness, what happened???

—

I have an awful crick in my neck. Blah.

I finally booked the hostel for the HK side of the trip. I really need to read about Macau and update myself on HK.

—

I still find my eye drawn to the meatier guys rather than the skinnier ones. Hah, haven’t changed a bit.

—

People say I never seem to be stressed. Ahah… my colleague said that I either really am not stressed or camouflage it really well. Sigh, am I supposed to vent all the time? If I did, there will really be no end to it. I’ll be swearing like a sailor… Repression rocks.

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A song I had in my head on the ride home

ashke — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 16:18:03 +0000

(A meager translations by ashke)

我怀念的
What I Miss

我问为什么那女孩传简讯给我
I ask why did that girl texted me?
而你为什么不解释低着头沉默
But why did you not explain and stayed silent?
我该相信你很爱我不愿意敷衍我
I ought to believe you love me and won’t evade
还是明白你已不想挽回什么
Or should I understand that you don’t want to save anything

想问为什么我不再是你的快乐
I want to ask why I’m no longer your happiness?
可是为什么却苦笑说我都懂了
But why did you just bitterly laugh that I understand
自尊常常将人拖着把爱都走曲折
Pride often drags you down and makes love torturous
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
Pretending to understand because of the fear the truth is too blatant
狼狈比失去难受
Embarrassment feels worse than loss

我怀念的是无话不说
I miss that there was nothing we couldn’t say
我怀念的是一起作梦
I miss that we dreamed together
我怀念的是争吵以后
I miss that after arguing
还是想要爱你的冲动
I still wish to love you

我记得那年生日
I remember the birthday that year
也记得那一首歌
And also that song
记得那片星空
Remember the starry sky
最紧的右手
The right hand held the tightest
最暖的胸口
The warmest chest
谁记得
Who remembers?
谁忘了
Who’s forgotten?

我记得那年生日
I remember the birthday that year
也记得那一首歌
And also that song
记得那片星空
Remember the starry sky
最紧的右手
The right hand held the tightest
最暖的胸口
The warmest chest
谁忘了
Who’s forgotten?

我怀念的是无言感动
I miss being moved wordlessly
我怀念的是绝对炽热
I miss the absolute passion
我怀念的是你很激动求我原谅抱得我都痛
I miss you agitatedly begging forgiveness, holding me until it hurts

我记得你在背后
I remember you behind me
也记得我颤抖着
And remember my trembling
记得感觉汹涌
Remember the rough feelings
最美的烟火
The most beautiful fireworks
最长的相拥
The longest hugs
谁爱得太自由
Who loved too freely?
谁过头太远了
Who went to far ahead?
谁要走我的心
Who took away my heart?
谁忘了那就是承诺
Who forgot that was the promise?

谁自顾自地走
Who went their own way?
谁忘了看着我
Who forgot to see me?
谁让爱变沉重
Who let love become hard?
谁忘了要给你温柔
Who forgot to give you tenderness?

我还有想要爱你的冲动
I still want to love you

我记得那年生日
I remember the birthday that year
也记得那一首歌
And also that song
记得那片星空
Remember the starry sky
最紧的右手
The right hand held the tightest
最暖的胸口
The warmest chest

我放手
I let go
我让座
I give way
假洒脱
Pretend to be free
谁懂我多么不舍得
Who knows how I did it so unwillingly?

太爱了
Love too much
所以我没有哭没有说
So I never cried, never said

—

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John Legend

ashke — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 17:22:25 +0000

Got intro-ed to a new singer… It’s really quite nice.

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Current playlist

ashke — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 19:50:56 +0000

Tik Tok Sex Therapy Lost Without U Down American Boy Bad Romance Paparazzi Let’s Dance Poker Face Lovegame Hella Good Savior Reservations — I’m really sad that I lost my phone. My usual songs aren’t so current and English. Related posts:Sex Therapy Another melting song by Robin Thicke. Why does he sound so good??? (Intro) [...] Related posts:

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Sex Therapy

ashke — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 18:15:39 +0000

Another melting song by Robin Thicke. Why does he sound so good???

(Intro)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Hey yeah
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Hey yeah

(1st Verse)
Stressed out uptight, over worked wound up
Unleash what you got lets explore your naughty side
Follow me where we go, we dont need no bread crumbs
Cant you see baby youre the only one
You are my love, you are my love
Let me be your medicine
Cuz I got one thing on my mind Ill be your valentine
Spread your wings and baby fly away

(Chorus)
Its your body you can yell if you want to
Loud if you want to, scream if you want to
Just let me love you lay right here girl dont be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy
Its your body well go hard if you want to
As hard as you want to, soft as you want to
Just let me love you lay right here Ill be your fantasy
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Yeah yeah
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Ooooo

(2nd Verse)
Baby less all for you to do is let your body be
Ill lick you down and make you feel like you bout it bout it
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, the doctors here for you
Take you like Twilight I’ll bite your neck
You dont have to stay in the rain Ill get you wet, yeah
Push you up against the wall ,turn you out and turn you on
Eh eh whoa

(Chorus)
Its your body you can yell if you want to
Loud if you want to, scream if you want to
Just let me love you lay right here girl dont be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy
Its your body well go hard if you want to
As hard as you want to, soft as you want to
Just let me love you lay right here Ill be your fantasy
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa oooo
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa oooo

(Bridge)
Whoa-oh oh oh oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah
Girl its your body we can do whatever you like
Girl its your body we can do whatever you like
Its your body we can ride and rock and roll
Ride and rock and roll,ride and rock
O-o-o-OH oh oh oh

(End chorus)
Its your body you can yell if you want to
Loud if you want to, scream if you want to
Just let me love you lay right here girl dont be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy
Its your body well go hard if you want to
As hard as you want to, soft as you want to
Just let me love you lay right here Ill be your fantasy
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy
Girl its girl its girl its your body
We can do, can do, (sex therapy) can do
Girl its girl its girl its your body
We can do whatever (sex therapy) you like
Just let me love you lay right here girl dont be scared of me
Give you sex therapy, give you sex therapy

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I’m so dumb for not backing “Coming & Crying”

ashke — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 18:47:19 +0000

Arrrrgh, I should have backed it as soon as Meghano even mentioned it!!! Now it’s going to be one of those books I really really want but won’t get >_<

Noooo…

Went and had a fun day at the Singapore Art Museum today with colleagues.

Had dinner with Joanna. It was nice meeting up with her and catch up. Yang Le got Thai married. Joanna tried to matchmake(?) me to some guy on her Facebook (hahah, okay, the abs are quite okay lah). Rating guys. Trying out clothes. Walking around. Of dolphins and Sheldon.

Although I’m quite sure I don’t want kids and feel little need to get hitched, I’m not very sure what I would want to do. I’m not sure I can take my cue from the examples around me. All I am sure is that things need to remain interesting and keep me from ennui of the sort that makes death more appealing. But I guess that won’t happen as long as I have my faculties about me and not become disabled in some way.

I seem to be able to grasp better the patterns to my energy level, moods and feelings pegged to the menstrual cycle. Sometimes, it’s such a pain being female. Why can’t I just feel the same way the whole time? And the irony is that the whole point of going through these changes is to be ready for being pregnant which I am NOT going to be if I could help it.

I also read how anorexic girls can make their periods stop altogether because their body fat went down to such low levels. Young girls reach menarche on the achievement of a certain percentage of body fat, the reverse would make sense. However, I like eating too much to try what the anna girls do. On the other hand, if it’s just a matter of eliminating body fat, overexercise can also achieve the same results. Well, either way, it just takes too much effort. Maybe if I had nothing better to do, I would try it.

Otherwise, a relatively easy measure is to take oral contraception which simulates the body in pregnancy. It’s still a pain to have to take everyday though. Hahah… you know what, I just want a damn magic pill and make all of it go away.

Hmm, but no one has done a study on the effects of not having periods have on mood. There’s a lot of symptoms to taking oral contraception (sometimes it’s even worse than being on a menstrual cycle — but varies from person to person) but is there one about people who consciously reduce their body fat in order to avoid menstruation? It would not be ideal to conduct the study on people who have eating disorders, because anorexia and bulimia may cloud the issues. I want to know because if I ever undertake this, I want to know that it actually achieves what I want (ie. having neutral and consistent mood).

But I wonder how possible it is? It would take insane amounts of exercising… on the level of Olympic athletes? And it needs to be maintained because the body likes to store fat for a rainly day, especially for women as our purpose in life is to be baby machines (evolutionarily-speaking). To make possible, it has to revolve an entirely different way of life which I don’t see myself getting into anytime soon.

Then again, I might be insane enough to go extreme adventuring one day. But again, it would be a difficult lifestyle to maintain beyond a few months. Unless the world descends into anarchy and we return to primordial times. Huh, all that to achieve no menses.

Another thing I’m quite sure about myself is that I lack the kind of discipline for world changing. More often than not, I am very content to be where I am and feel little need to change.

I was looking at the Billboard Top 100 and Robin Thicke apparently has another song out, “Sex Therapy”! I really like it, it sounds good. Haha.

Current music nowadays follow a certain beat. Very familiar across many many of them. For me, I do like it as it makes the song very catchy. And as with literature, it’s interesting to explore the variations until it’s entirely exhausted and a new fad takes its place.

I really feel tempted to buy a Nexus One and I check the exchange rates every night on the off chance that one day the S$ will be stronger than the US$ (ahahah, never happening).

I don’t know how to explain I am quite leery because of some trust issues I have. The last time it happened, it wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences so there needs to be some assurance it won’t happen again and threaten to ruin what was a perfectly good thing. Huh. I guess that does it. I guess it’s just a matter of making it known. Hey, maybe I’ve already made it known since some smartypants are so good at figuring stuff out!

When I fall asleep at the keyboard, it’s a signal I need to go sleep.

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I did stuff today

ashke — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 17:11:53 +0000

I almost was able to roll by myself (yay, I got the sweep and hipflick) but didn’t manage to because of my horrible habit going up head first. Must. Improve. Water. Confidence.

The Kallang Basin is actually quite clean what. Why does everyone say it’s dirty? Oh and it’s a great place to practice. It’s like a reservoir but you can dunk yourself in.

I was buying clothes and the retail auntie said I looked like I worked out. HAHA. That was funny.

Aston had this Wagyu beef burger. It was delicious. But if you gave me a blind test, I would know my Wagyu from the normal beef except that its texture is a lot nicer.

I picked up an excellent manga (“Ore-sama Teacher”) and I have a weakness for this manga style of drawing. Ah, the pretty boys in my shoujo manga… It totally totally helps very very very very much that it’s hilarious as hell! HAHA… and not so conventional. It’s too bad the series hasn’t ended yet. Another manga to chase…

I really want to order Ghost Hunt online. >_< I can't believe no one's stocking it any more!!! It's one of the few horror manga I like (apparently, Mushishi counts as horror as well -- funny old world).

My favourite phrase for now: "Things I don't understand and definitely am not going to talk about." Courtesy of Jen Snow (via Meaghano)

Also, I just found out I’ve been confusing “Ore” for “Boku”. Ahaha… I am still an amateur.

In other news, I heard about water births recently and was looking for information about it online. It totally reminded me why I don’t want to have kids. >_< Eew, gross…

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