Note: This was written at 1-4am yesterday night. I felt like I needed to sort out my feelings about how I cope with stresses and other strong emotions, especially as I was reminded of my last major upset.
I can’t really tell the difference as the years go by.
I’m sorry to hear my friends’ friend had died.
—
But it is the living who keep me occupied in thought. I really wish MS is around to ask about this. It’s funny how I think back to how MS had reached out to me once before when I was in my deepest low. I once spent all my time in my room doing nothing except being despondent in bed, bar nature’s call or to eat (even then not very often because I lost my appetite more or less). His really making the effort to reach out made me realize how life still goes on as usual and I managed to pull myself together with some coaxing.
One, I realize that it’s easy enough to fake normal because most of the time, people just don’t notice. People only get a snapshot of how you are and won’t know just what you are really up to all day. Even if you’re living with someone, they may chalk it up to some normal explanation if you give the right impression. Unless you’re closely monitored, I think that you can get away with most anything.
I don’t know how long I would have remained despondent but I feel that MS was really a turning point and helped to speed up recovery with bringing me back into the fold as though I had only just returned.
When I reflect on my various reactions when I am truly upset, it is basically to just shut down completely because there is no other thought than whatever had upset me. In home life, it basically retreating into my room and shutting the door or, in one particularly manipulative case, staying inside my closet until even my mother was upset about it. Total non-response.
And I cope with less upsetting matters by taking a step back, whether by getting myself out of the situation and not seeing the person for awhile. My favourite one is to walk things off because when you walk enough and far enough, you feel tired and the strong emotions no longer control you and you are able to think more objectively. It also takes a lot of steam off. I invariably cry as well because it further tires you out and lets out a well of emotion. As such, I’ve taken long MRT or bus rides and spent the time sniffing away. Or walked far distances to get the edge of the anger. But it’s not actually very satisfactory as a coping method because I would still keep myself rather muted since I was in a public place. Sigh.
I remember when I was a teenager, I was upset by how strong the feelings were, particularly with anger. I suppose that’s why I developed a quiet, non-assertive personality to control the anger inside me. (Dunno how others see me but I feel like I give people the impression I’m quite placid.) It’s also been successful in a way because it’s no longer as easy for me to become angry or upset as before. But there are still some things I dislike (eg. films or touching stories) because I feel like they are such an emotional manipulator even though I know it’s fiction and it’s a bit silly to be led by the nose this way. But I also like it because of it inspires emotions which brings catharsis.
Related posts:
- Friends and Lovers
- Quote from “Our Inner Ape”
- Maybe that’s the reason
- My Mood on Upswing
- Bali Trip
Ruminations
Note: This was written at 1-4am yesterday night. I felt like I needed to sort out my feelings about how I cope with stresses and other strong emotions, especially as I was reminded of my last major upset.
I can’t really tell the difference as the years go by.
I’m sorry to hear my friends’ friend had died.
—
But it is the living who keep me occupied in thought. I really wish MS is around to ask about this. It’s funny how I think back to how MS had reached out to me once before when I was in my deepest low. I once spent all my time in my room doing nothing except being despondent in bed, bar nature’s call or to eat (even then not very often because I lost my appetite more or less). His really making the effort to reach out made me realize how life still goes on as usual and I managed to pull myself together with some coaxing.
One, I realize that it’s easy enough to fake normal because most of the time, people just don’t notice. People only get a snapshot of how you are and won’t know just what you are really up to all day. Even if you’re living with someone, they may chalk it up to some normal explanation if you give the right impression. Unless you’re closely monitored, I think that you can get away with most anything.
I don’t know how long I would have remained despondent but I feel that MS was really a turning point and helped to speed up recovery with bringing me back into the fold as though I had only just returned.
When I reflect on my various reactions when I am truly upset, it is basically to just shut down completely because there is no other thought than whatever had upset me. In home life, it basically retreating into my room and shutting the door or, in one particularly manipulative case, staying inside my closet until even my mother was upset about it. Total non-response.
And I cope with less upsetting matters by taking a step back, whether by getting myself out of the situation and not seeing the person for awhile. My favourite one is to walk things off because when you walk enough and far enough, you feel tired and the strong emotions no longer control you and you are able to think more objectively. It also takes a lot of steam off. I invariably cry as well because it further tires you out and lets out a well of emotion. As such, I’ve taken long MRT or bus rides and spent the time sniffing away. Or walked far distances to get the edge of the anger. But it’s not actually very satisfactory as a coping method because I would still keep myself rather muted since I was in a public place. Sigh.
I remember when I was a teenager, I was upset by how strong the feelings were, particularly with anger. I suppose that’s why I developed a quiet, non-assertive personality to control the anger inside me. (Dunno how others see me but I feel like I give people the impression I’m quite placid.) It’s also been successful in a way because it’s no longer as easy for me to become angry or upset as before. But there are still some things I dislike (eg. films or touching stories) because I feel like they are such an emotional manipulator even though I know it’s fiction and it’s a bit silly to be led by the nose this way. But I also like it because of it inspires emotions which brings catharsis.
Related posts: